Silent
by Finn21
Summary: Set directly after the events of The Trick is to Keep Breathing Nathan thinks about his fight with Haley and what it will mean for their relationship. High angst alert: beware!


**Title:** Silent

**Author:** Ashley

**Summary:** At the beach house alone, Nathan thinks about the night's events and Haley.

**Author's Note:** This ficlet is set in _The Trick is to Keep Breathing_, a little after Haley left the beach house to go investigate the letter. Nathan hasn't quite made it out on the beach yet. I'm going to go ahead and say that he took the car since he sent off the carriage, so your guess is as good as mine on how Haley got home. Maybe she hitched a ride with Tim, or took the bus. Who knows?

**Second Note:** Feedback makes me happy. You want me to be happy right?

Nathan twirled his wedding band vigorously between his thumb and his forefinger. He felt the smooth gold texture slide across the tops of his fingertips as he moved it back and forth. He couldn't help but glance down at it for the briefest of seconds. He hadn't even realized he'd slipped it off his ring finger, but now that he had his entire hand felt bare without it.

It had only been a little more than four weeks, since they were married, but to Nathan it felt like so much longer. Every morning getting up with her, hanging out with her at school, looking forward to seeing her at home after work, going to bed with her at night. This was his routine. This was his life, and he loved it. From the tiny insignificant spats about him cleaning up his clothes and putting them into the hamper, all the way to her staying up later than usual to recheck her homework and write new songs, he loved it all. It was great. Better than great, because in a life like his, he hadn't always felt this way.

Looking back at it now, Nathan could really see how shallow he was before, how empty his existence was. He wasn't living before he met Haley. He was merely surviving. That world, that life was a million miles away from where he was now.

It was ironic really that he was standing on the second floor balcony of his parents beach house, and the thought of either of them hadn't crossed his mind until he realized he'd have to figure out a way to get the key back to his Mom before she noticed it was gone. He wasn't worried about it. He didn't even give a second thought. His Mom, his parents–they weren't apart of his life now. He didn't want them to be apart of his life. Most of the time he had spent with them was just a bundle of memories filled with heartache and regret. A place he would never return to, because he didn't have to, because he didn't want to, and because of her.

Every moment he spent with Haley was a moment he was grateful for. She brought happiness to him with the slightest smile, in ways she would never even know. It was terrifying a good portion of the time. Someone having that much control over your happiness and your heart. Sometimes Nathan found himself scared shitless at night, just holding her in his arms, his face pressed into the back of her neck, his eyes open, and his mind wondering. He would think about stupid things like math worksheets, or some lame joke Luke had told him at lunch that day. Then she'd shift in his arms unconsciously, making little mewling noises before she settled back down into her pillow. Nathan found himself snapping to attention at her movements, listening to her sounds, her even breaths, feeling her push her weight up against him, so that her back side was pressed directly into his front. He would smile and shut his eyes and smell the soft scent of tangerines in her hair. He'd try hard not to think about what he would do if he ever lost her. It made him go crazy inside.

Crazy.

Was that what he was now, standing by himself at his own after party, while his wife was at home alone? Part of him thought so. Part of him agreed that he might've overreacted about the whole Chris situation. Maybe he was just helping her out. Maybe he was just interested in the music. Yet, there was still those words that rang in his mind from when they'd first met. Something about guys wanting to...to...

_You have any idea how many guys want to nail your wife right now?_

Oh yeah that's it. On second thought, no. He was right. She didn't need help from a guy like Chris. She didn't need Chris. Guys like that, they didn't want to help girls like her. They masked what they wanted by making the girl think that they had to have their help. Nathan knew that. He used to think like that. He could see through Chris's stupid-punk-ass facade. He wished Haley could.

She was so kind, so loving, it was hard for her to see the bad in people. She wanted so badly to believe that everyone deep down inside was this inherently good person. But it just wasn't so. Nathan could take a good look at his parents, at how he used to be, and especially at people like Chris-the-punk, and see that.

Stupid punk.

Ahh...it was just so frustrating. Why did she lie to him? Why? Sure he didn't like the guy, he'd made it clear enough. But she didn't have to hide things from him. He could handle the truth. He didn't have to like the truth, but he could deal with it. It didn't feel right, her hiding things from him. Whether or not it was about the stupid-punk didn't matter.

Ok that was lie. It did matter. Lying about spending time with other guys, was a little bit worse than lying about putting the cap back on the toothpaste. But at least he would have been more prepared if she had brought it up before he'd left for Charlotte, instead of having the bomb dropped on him on stage at their formal. They'd only gotten to dance once the whole night since she'd arrived late, and before everyone started heading over to the beach house.

_Haley felt ridged in his arms, as they swayed back and forth to the music. The song whispered against their ears in a soft cadence. The light falling across her face in a luminous yellow glow._

_"So you're just going to ignore me now," she asked him, her eyes drifting up to his._

_Nathan's jaw tightened. "I'm not ignoring you."_

_"You're not talking," she replied in a curt tone._

_He blew out a breath of air, and kept his feet sturdy. He didn't know how to respond. "What do you want me to say?"_

_"I don't know," she bit the inside of her cheek, her eyes cold and warm at the same time. As if she were having an inner battle with herself about how to act with him._

_Nathan stared at her for a moment before turning his head away and focusing on the cardboard lighted buildings and thinking about how screwed up this night turned out to be._

_"Well I don't know either," he said, and the song ended._

It had only gotten worse from there, from the first argument on the deck to their second. He thought that he should probably have followed her home when he watched her leave a couple hours ago, but he just couldn't bring himself to be around her right now. She hurt him. She lied to him. And she didn't even realize all he'd tried to do for her.

Nathan wasn't big with the grand gestures. It just wasn't his style. But tonight, he'd wanted it to be special for her. He'd wanted her to feel how completely wonderful and loved she made him feel all the time, by just being his wife. Of course it all had to backfire on him because that's what happens when you make plans. It's one of the world's greatest ironies. He should have seen it coming.

So here he was, alone, at the beach house, in scratchy tux pants, with a half empty drink in his hand, pouting, and Haley was at home, probably reading his letter.

Perfect.

With an edge of regret, Nathan glanced down at the cup sitting in his hand and grimaced. He could get drunk right now if he wanted. He could down this drink and then three more and have a nice satisfying buzz that would effectively numb away the pain of Haley's lie, and his selfish childhood pouting about the fact that she didn't seem even one bit impressed about all the planning he'd done for the dance. It would be so nice to just forget about his problems for a few hours, to make them all disappear into oblivion. Alcohol was a nice friend in that way.

What would happen though when he went to fall asleep and she wasn't there in bed with him to hold? What would happen when she wasn't there with him when he woke up? What would happen when the alcohol wore off and he was stuck with the same problems as he had right now? All that would happen, Nathan thought, was that he'd still be stuck with the same pain, and a shiny new hangover. So no, he definitely wasn't drinking anything else tonight, and he probably wasn't going to sleep either. He just couldn't do it anymore if she wasn't there next to him. Didn't feel right.

It was hard enough trying to sleep in Charlotte with Lucas tossing and turning like a freakin' girl. Not having Haley there made it almost impossible. He'd managed to squeeze in a few precious hours before sunrise, but they were restless hours, with the test on his mind and her not there to comfort him. That had been a hard night. Every moment she wasn't with him it felt like such a struggle to breathe. He wasn't truly happy when he wasn't with her. Sure basketball was still his dream, something he wanted for himself, but it was such a conflicting emotion because it involved his past with his Dad. Becoming friends, and then brothers' with Luke was something he was proud of, but it didn't fulfill him, not in the way Haley did.

She had this power over him, this innate ability to make everything else in the world disappear. He use to see that as a good thing. Walking through his parents empty beach house and onto the dock, the morning light just barely beginning to graze the surface of the horizon, painting it with light blues and greys, Nathan was beginning to think that maybe it wasn't such a wonderful thing anymore. As easily as she gave him happiness, it seemed even easier she could cause him sadness. And that was an unsettling realization.

Nathan didn't want to be the kind of guy that rested his entire existence on another person. It was too dangerous. Somewhere in between meeting Haley, falling in love with her, and marrying her, that thought had ceased to matter.

_Nothing else matters..._

It felt like a life time ago since that moment, their first kiss, their first touch. Nathan could see it all clearly still. He wasn't good at remembering most things, but her, being with her, laughing with her, talking with her, making love with her, those were the things he would never forget. Those were things that stupid-punk Chris could never take away. He may have talent, and music, but he didn't have Nathan's memories, he didn't have Haley's heart, and he never would.

The wind blew soft and airy over Nathan's face as he sat on the side of the dock, the sky growing lighter by the minute. He stared out into the ocean, watching as the waves fell onto the sand making it appear darker with wetness. Everyone that was at the party, even the late nighters had disappeared and it was quiet on the beach. Nathan ran a hand over his face and tried to rub the haze out of his tired eyes. The sun wouldn't be completely up for another half an hour or so, but the next day had already begun.

His cell-phone hummed and buzzed inside his pants pocket and he pulled it out. It was Haley.

He'd wondered right after she left if she was going to call when she read the Highflyers letter or not. When he hadn't received a call from her, he figured she'd opted to go to bed instead, pissed at him for lying to her. He didn't expect for her to call. He wasn't surprised either. He also didn't know what to say.

The last thing he wanted to do after the night from formal Hell, was to get into another fight this morning. She was probably angry at him for his lie, but he was still angry at her for hers. What a mess.

Stupid-fucking-punk-ass Chris. The whole night could have been different if he hadn't interfered. He may not have made Haley lie, or even Nathan for that matter, but he caused more trouble than he was worth. Haley didn't need the punk. She was perfect by herself. Why couldn't she see that? People would kill to be as beautiful and talented as she was. Chris wasn't helping her, he was using her. And she thought he was threatened? He wasn't threatened. Chris was a skinny-stupid-punk. So what if he was older, and could sing? His head was way too big for his body and he looked like a slimy used cars salesman when he smiled. And Nathan was not threatened by him. Nope. Not at all.

Pushing on the off button, Nathan slipped his phone back into his pocket. He couldn't talk to her when he was this upset. He kept thinking of Chris and her together in that studio and it just made his blood boil. It made his fists clench and his chest tight. It made it hard to breathe.

He jumped off the dock and headed back for the house. He didn't know what he should do, but he knew what he wanted to do. He thought about Haley sleeping alone in their bed, her head resting softly against the pillow, her hair feathered out in waves, her eyes closed and her body tangled in the sheets. He thought about how she gave him strength, how she made him weak, how she loved him when he wasn't always the easiest person to love.

He would do the same for her if that's what he had to do. He would do the same for her simply because he loved her.

It was quiet as Nathan reached the inside of the beach house and pulled down his shirt sleeves and fitted them through his tux jacket. It was quiet as he grabbed his car keys off the key hook by the front door. It was quiet as he stepped outside toward his car, got inside, turned on the ignition and pulled out of the driveway. It was quiet everywhere it seemed, this early in the morning.

Everything was quiet around Nathan as he thought about Haley.

Everything was silent.


End file.
